The world yanked out from under me
by Heel Princess
Summary: Oneshot: Torrie/Victoria...femslash you dont like that well dont read it. Angsty in the beggining but it gets better. Torries back injury has forced her to leave everything behind. read and review please.


**Random Torrie Wilson point of veiw story, started saying this aloud in the shower...like a religious kid talking in tongues it was nuts. Thanks to ImissTrishStratus for her help with the ending :) Anyway hope you all enjoy, please review :)**

It's been months since I walked away from the wwe, and every night I lay awake and think about it. What I wouldn't give to be in the squared circle again, but I can't go back. I can never go back…

The only way I can even begin to explain the appeal of it all is by comparing it to smoking. Sure the package says it may cause cancer, all the warnings are there but you do it anyway. Why? Because it's an addiction and just like cigarettes wrestling has a hold over you that is near impossible to break. When you get into the business all the warning sighs are there, all the dangers and hazards laid out for you to see but you do it anyway. It's one great big obsession, you find yourself craving it…nothing else seems to matter but getting out in front of that crowd. The adrenaline rush is like no other high out there, so you put your body on the line for those people each and every week just to feel it. We've all heard the horror stories, we've all heard about wrestling crippling people but you never think it can happen to you. I sure as hell didn't.

Night after night I wrestled in pain, sometimes you don't even notice how much until you get to the back, the adrenaline wears off and you notice, "Hey I pulled something". And then you wrestle injured anyway because well to put it bluntly you're dispensable. Then finally after a few good years you feel safe enough to take time off when you're hurting. That's what I did, took time off to heal nagging injuries but they didn't seem to get better and then the words were spoken to me, "If you set one more foot in a ring, you may never walk again."

Thankfully the wwe was very supportive of me, I had seven great years under my belt with them and they offered me a job as an ambassador for the company. I got to go to different events as a representative and do a lot of fun appearances, but it wasn't what I wanted, what I wanted was to be in that ring. So instead of it teasing me by being in front of my face and me not being able to go near it I gracefully departed from the company that was my life and successfully underwent back surgery. It didn't take long and I was feeling great then with some more time I was feeling amazing. I didn't know why I just couldn't hop on a plane and head straight back to the wwe with vengeance. But again the doctors stopped me, "Torrie the schedule is too much, you'll re-injure yourself in no time. If you want to keep feeling good you have to let go of wrestling."

Although that wasn't the only thing holding me back, I knew that if I begged Vince enough he would let me Valet and rarely wrestle, no my back wasn't the only problem…there was her.

Who's her? You're wondering, well it's none other then the widows peak freak Victoria. What does she have to do with all this? Everything.

When I said the wwe was my world I wasn't being completely honest, it did mean everything to me but there was something else getting me out of bed in the mornings back then and that was Lisa. Towards the end she was my biggest onscreen rival but outside the ropes she was my lover and my best friend. I hadn't completely lost touch with the locker room since me and Lillian had been friends for years and even though she wasn't on SmackDown the last word was that Nattie and Lisa were a lot more then best friends if you know what I'm saying.

So it appears that everything I held dear to me is over, which is why I guess I barley see the sunshine anymore. It's all my own fault of course, she had begged me to stay with her even if I would be off the road but I selfishly said I couldn't do that. Back then I was sure that having her with me would make leaving wrestling a million times more painful. But what was really painful was walking up without her every morning, to the point where sometimes I didn't want to wake up at all.

I miss everything about her, the way she smelled, her skin on mine, the way she seemed to glow in the moonlight, I even miss the stray black hairs I would find on my pillow in the morning. Right about now I would probably give up walking just to see her face, it was like a knife through my heart just thinking about her.

Just last night I had woken up in a cold sweat, dreaming about her face inches from mine. She was there in my dream, standing before me naked as the day god made her just waiting for me to touch her. She moved close to me and I remember the sensation of my lip quivering in anticipation then I woke up an inch from screaming. I think that subconsciously I knew it wasn't all real and couldn't bare the torture of thinking she was mine again and that's why even in my fantasy's I couldn't ravish her like I wanted to, like I ached to.

My body involuntarily jumps at the sound of a fist on wood, who could possibly be looking for me at this hour. What time was anyway, I glance at the clock that reads eleven pm, it wasn't late at all but in my state of melancholy every hour felt like a sleepless two am. I aimlessly move to the door, still uncertain of who it could be but confident in the fact that once they see the state I'm in they'll turn tail and leave again.

I open the door and nearly find myself on the floor, every ounce of my breath drains from my body and I'm sure I look like I've seen a ghost. Well in a way I have, and her name is Lisa Varon.

"Hello," She says nervously, unable to look up from the carpet to my eyes.

"Hey," I respond, unsure of what else I can possibly say to her at the moment.

She finally finds the strength to look at me, "Can I come in?" She asks me, "We were in town and I thought that maybe we could talk."

I don't answer her, instead I just move aside to allow her entry into my apartment before following her inside. Her eyes move around the room, obviously questioning the mess the place was in and the open Ben and Jerry's containers scattered about the living room. "I don't entertain much." I blurt in explanation, folding my hands in my lap as a take a seat on the leather sofa.

The look on her face makes it apparent before she even says anything else that she's worried about me. I haven't seen a mirror in days but I'm sure I look like something straight from the depths of hell, my hair matted and dirty, not a stitch of make up in sight and even though she had no way of knowing I'm pretty sure I'm still in yesterdays clothes. "How are you?" The brunette asks me.

"My backs fine." I reply even though I know she knows about that and is actually referring to my current state. My instincts tell me to turn and run but then I remember that it's my house and I'd look even crazier then I already do bolting from my own home.

She offers me a weak smile, "That's good to hear, but I must confess I already knew that."

"Then why are you here?" I question, turning away from her. I feel her eyes on me instantly; she knows that I'm crying.

Her hand touches my shoulder, "Because I'm worried about you Torr. I've never seen you like this, you're obviously not sleeping and not once since I've known you have I seen you without a fresh coat of lip gloss."

I jerk away from her and move to my feet, "I'm sorry I'm not the pretty little thing you remember." I bark at her, I knew I was in bad shape but the last person I wanted to hear it from was her.

"That's not it and you know it," She tells me, moving to my side. Her hands find my face and she tilts my jaw upward, "You could look beautiful covered in mud…and if I remember correctly I think I've seen that before and I must say that you looked incredible."

Her last comment causes me to laugh, if only for a moment. As uncomfortable as it was when she walked in my door at the moment I can't take my eyes off the woman before me. She looks good, even better then my memory had shown me in my dream last night. Curves in all the right places and her newly short hair framing her face in perfection, it's only then that I remember Nattie and once again pull away from her touch. "What is this Lisa, why are you really here? I know about you and Natalie."

I watch her face fall, "I sort of figured you knew but I was hoping you didn't, I wont lie to you Torrie because you deserve better then that. I was with her, I mean I am with her…god I don't even know anymore."

My arms fold across my chest, "How do you not know if you're with somebody Lisa, that doesn't make any sense."

"Because…" She begins, "Because I don't know, we were in town for a show and the cab driver passed your apartment and I had been hearing that you weren't doing the greatest. Then at the exact minute I spot your window in the building we get a red light so I came to see you for myself. He could have taken a million routes to the arena but he chose this one, it's fate Torrie I know it."

Sighing I sit back down on the sofa, "Why are you here making this harder?" I press, "I miss you Lisa."

"I miss you too." She says sitting down beside me, "That's why I'm here, Nattie isn't you and she knows something is wrong between us. And what's wrong is that I'm in love with someone else," Her hand falls on my knee, "I'm in love with you, even though you left me I can't bare it anymore…I'm just so tired of pretending."

My arms move around her neck instantaneously and a smile somehow eases across my lips to take over my entire face, something that I haven't done in who knows how long. "I love you too." The feeling of her fingers combing my tangled hair causes me to weep in her arms, how I've missed the simplest of contact from her. "I'm sorry." I whisper, "I should never have left you." Somehow I feel her smile into my shoulder and for the first time in a long time I know everything is going to be ok.


End file.
